mikesgirl

Well life has gotten in the way of my workouts again.  Or at least that is the excuse I am feeding myself this time.  On Saturday night I was coming home from a fabulous night out when my friend (and neighbor) asked me over for a night cap.  I wasnt quite ready for bed so I went over only to find a living room full of people, and my friend, liz, no where to be found.  Not 30 seconds after I walk in the door Liz comes bolting down the stairs and rushes out to the backyard, calling me to follow her.  Turns out her boyfriend, Shawn, had been fighting with her and may have broken up with her.  She was freaking out.  Being no stranger to relationship problems, I sat down with her and we started to talk, but then Shawn comes outside and the two of them talk for awhile.  I was not really afforded the opportunity to leave, the two of them kept talking to each other through me.  So then I get in trouble with my boyfriend, Mike, cuz i didn’t exactly signal where I was and didnt get home till 8:30am (frankly I dont blame him) but also, when I finally returned home, (after staying with liz for awhile to calm her down cuz Shawn actually left the house,) I find him at my house.  Did I mention he is Mike’s best friend? Yeah so I had a house guest until this morning, although his stuff is still here, I am pretty sure he went home to Liz. 

So did you hear me anywhere in that story? I didn’t.  I havent worked out in about a week, Michael hasnt cooked in god knows how long so I am eating take out for quite some time now, I have two tests next week that I have been studying for like a demon.  Oh and I have all this stuff to get done for my grad school apps its ridiculous.  I am beyond stressed.  And while having Shawn and Liz on the front burner for awhile was a nice distraction, it was just that.  A distraction.  I def become too easily distracted and that is something I need to work on STAT.  I was able to study all day yesterday (as Shawn and Liz were in my living room working out their lives) and I actually feel confident in the material.  But I also have another test to deal with and I am waaaaay behind on the reading due to the books being two weeks late.  I almost feel like there isnt time to go to the gym.  I have been dabbling with the on demand work outs so Im not completely ridiculous, and I have cut down on my eating so I think I am still losing.  But this can not continue!  I need to focus.

So I have not been working out as I should lately.  I also have not been getting on buddyslim as much as I would like.  My boyfriend refuses to get his computer fixed so he is constantly on my computer, thus making it damn near impossible for me to ever use my machine.  This is becoming a problem not only cuz im not getting on buddyslim as much as I should, but also because two of the classes I am taking this semester are online.  I need my computer.  I have talked to him about this and he never really says anything.  He just keeps using my computer and not fixing his.  Obviously this is a problem. 

 I was not really going to the gym as I should in previous weeks and now I am severely regretting this.  I totally got myself out of the habit of going to the gym on a daily basis.  Before I was laid off I was working out twice a day and now I am lucky if I get to the gym twice a week!  On top of that Mike keeps buying food that I should not be eating.  Ordering in, bringing cookies home, insisting on late night trips to Wawa (which i could say no to, but i never do)  Then when it comes to the food I need in the house it is a struggle to get it, since when we budgeted for the house he said he would cover all food items.  Eventually he caves and gets me the food I need to stay healthy but I really have to make an effort to stand up for myself to get it, and it is difficult for me to not be in control of what comes into the house food-wise.  I need to figure out some way to talk to him so he will stop with these enabling behaviors.

 On the upside, Biggest Loser premiered last night.  And while the absence of the berndana lay heavy on my heart (haha) I am glad for the new season.  Not only does it provide motivation for myself, but it reminds Mike what I am trying to do here overall.  Today it was not as much as a struggle to get him to get the foods I need to stay on track and I really think that has to do with Biggest Loser.  On another note, I really wasnt too crazy about any of the contestants this time around.  I like LOVED several of the contestants last season (first season I watched) but I am just not crazy about a lot of the folks this season (actually dont really like any of them thus far.)  Hopefully that will change.  Anyway, have a great day everyone.  Hopefully I will keep up with the blogging this time!

I am not ok at all right now.  I am trying to figure out life so much and I feel like I am over thinking.  I am under an intese amount of stress and frankly im not 100% on where all this stress is coming from.  I have not even been thinking about weight loss lately and that is really the only thing that I really ever stayed on track with.  Well actually now due to this stoppage lately, I can’t even really say that this is the only thing I have ever stuck with.  I really need to focus on my weight loss again.  I just feel like everything right now is all up in my head.  Making the right decisions can be quite hard, especially when what is really right for you, may not be what you inherently want.  I feel like life suddenly became real, and its quite intense.  Obviously I am not talking about weight loss so much anymore. 

There are a lot of things falling down on me right now.  Last night I went over a new friends house and while we were just talking, I actually had a panic attack.  She is a lovely person and really not the type to judge, but still, thats pretty embarrassing.  I havent had one in awhile, and I used to attribute them to work, but now that I am not working, I dont see a pattern anymore.  I definitely feel stressed out, but not being sure of what caused this panic attack is bad enough by itself.  I have a lot to do right now and not knowing what I am so stressed about makes me stress more.  I got nothing done yesterday, nothing at all.  Almost like I knew it was coming or something.  And now I feel like I need to take a mental health day cuz yesterday and last night were so rough.  Then thinking about the stuff I will not be getting done stresses me out more.  I am stuck in this vicious cycle and I need to get out of it.  Sorry if i just bummed everyone out.  Clearly I have a lot to think about.

I really have not been good about logging into buddyslim lately.  I used to log in my food and exercise and neglect the blogging but frankly lately I have not be doing much of either. It was so easy when I was working everyday and I would just surf buddyslim all day and really make an effort to keep up.  Now that I am at home and have no real schedule to stick to, it is really hard to just jump on the computer and log in my information, as silly as that sounds.  I think my biggest problem right now is time management and I need to set some sort of a schedule where I make sure to log in everyday.  I was thinking about maybe first thing in the morning (if i can remember in my groggy state!)  I was wondering what other buddyslimmers with wide open schedules do. 

On the upside, I have been working out like a demon and even started running!  I have been pretty good about keeping to my diet, always ordering a salad when eating out and trying to eat healthily at home.  The truth is, it has been a rough week for me personally.  Mike and I have been having some problems and I have been doing some serious thinking about if this is the relationship I want to be in for the rest of my life.  While that is not the best news ever, I am proud to report I have NOT been stress eating (yay!)  Grad school starts this week so I have certainly been nervous to start all over again and being that I have not been in school for about 3 or 4 years now I am nervous about falling back into the groove successfully.  Having relationship and school stresses have certainly made this a difficult time for me and I am probably the most surprised that I have not resorted to ice cream.  I am proud of myself though, having my eating under control, just one less thing to worry about I suppose.  The truth is, I take it one meal at a time, making sure I make the right choices but not worrying about what I will eat later in the day or what I ate the day before even.  Now that Mike isnt working it is more difficult to get my fat butt out the door and get to the gym but I have been doing it and last time I weighed myself I even dropped three pounds from the previous week! 

So here it is, my secret to success.  Stop worrying about the future, what I WILL eat, what kind of poundage I need to drop, how many days this week I went to the gym.  Time to stop worrying about everything and JUST DO IT already!  Take every meal as it comes, make the right choices as often as possible and the scale will reflect it.  I just hope I can have the same attitude toward school.

Well I messed up big time, but found how a support system off line can be helpful too.  Well you all know I was laid off a couple weeks ago, and frankly I fell into a depression about it despite my best efforts not to.  I really hated that job, and I know this is a chance for me to start fresh, but seriously, I did not do well last week.  I ate ice cream, only went to the gym once, on Monday and kept allowing Mike to enable me to do so when I knew it was wrong.  I know he is only trying to be there for me, but dont buy me Phish Food ice cream when you know im trying to diet on top of everything else.  It was all I could think about, sitting there in the freezer.  I ended up eating the entire pint myself, and finishing off a pint of Cherry Garcia last night as well.  On the upside there is no more ice cream in the house and I highly doubt Mike will be buying any more.  The ice cream wasnt the only food mistake I made either.  I ate total crap the entire time.  I didnt visit Buddyslim at all, didnt blog, didnt log in my food journal, I knew what I was eating was bad and wrong for my diet but I figured if I didnt go to buddyslim last week I would not be held accountable.  Too bad I didnt take into account my own will power and how I would feel after a weeks worth of badness.

 I did not go to the gym at all last week.  Actually that’s another lie, I went on Monday, went for a good three hours too.  The only reason I left was cuz I thought I might pass out I worked so hard!  But then Mike threw his back out at work and was home for four days so I was taking care of him.  And on Friday I just plain did not feel like going since I hadnt gone all week, so once again, didnt go.  To say I felt bad was an understatement.

My brother (who lost 70 lbs last year on his own) came to visit this weekend so we could see Spamalot which was touring through Philly (hilarious, def go if you get the chance.)  Anyway, we talked about what I was doing and how I needed to get back on track.  He had some great advice and told me that I was on track for awhile but with getting laid off my lifestyle def changed and it became harder to get out to the gym.  He suggested upping my work outs, and starting to run.  Generally I always say, I dont run, unless I am being chased and even then it depends on who is donig the chasing.  But he certainly had a point.  The only time in my life I remember being happy with my body from working out was when I was running.  My buddy Bob dropped 60 lbs just by running, said  by doing so he cant keep the weight ON if he tries and he is still going strong!  I need to kick this into high gear.  Recognize that I may not go the gym everyday anymore being that it is so far away and inconvienent to get to, so when I do go, I need to make it count.  And who knows, maybe I will even get into the habit of running, and then I wont be able to keep the weight on!  Anyway, I am determined to at least follow my diet today, and I know I will be going to the gym after this blog!  Sorry I have been gone for so long buddies, I will certainly make more of an effort to stay on track and keep up with my Buddyslim commitments!

So yesterday I guess I got pretty depressed, cuz I ate like a straight up pig.  I was pretty good when I was on my own.  Being unemployed leaves one with a lot of extra time on their hands.  So I really tried to pay attention to what I was eating.  I had my special k for breakfast and my sandwhich for lunch.  Then I actually went and took the train into the city and went to the gym.  Went for a good two hours! 

But then I came home.  Mike insisted that I was having a rough day and bought me my fav ice cream, even included chocolate syrup.  I really dont get ice cream like ever so I am sorry to say I totally dove right in.  Then he decided to make cookies for dessert and i ate three of those delish homemade fresh out the oven chocolate chip and peanut butter cookies.  I feel pretty bad about it today actually. 

I have been freaking out about being laid off so Mike suggested I take today off from worrying and applying for jobs and I think it was a really good thing to do.  I cleaned the house, ate right and took some me time and became more ok with the fact that I don’t have a job and I may even have a plan for the future now.  I have decided to FINALLY take those pesky GREs and try and get my butt into grad school!  I am going to start studying on Monday.  I figure I will give it a few days, see how comfortable I am with everything, then sign up for the test.  There is a three week waiting period after one signs up so I am hoping I will at least be able to have taken the test by September.  I have plenty of applications out righ tnow and I will continue to follow up as well as apply for new positions.  I feel a lot better knowing I have some sort of plan in action.  It almost seems like I have more to do now than I did when I was employed.  Or maybe I am just actually taking the chance to do all the things I wanted to do before, and now I just have the time to complete everything!  Anyway, have a great weekend everyone, and I will make more of an effort to stay on track. It’s a deal.

off… yes, its true, I got laid off yesterday.  As you all know I have been pretty unhappy with my current work situation.  As it turns out, the company is going under and a few of us got laid off yesterday at the end of the day.  It was a little emotional, but more so because the two managers in the office with me who broke the news were crying and when I am around someone that is crying I can’t help but get choked up.  They did not want to see me go and seemed very upset to be the barers of the CEO’s bad news but offered to help me in any way they can to find a new job.  I gave back the key and gathered my things, hugged everyone goodbye and called my Michael, really unsure of what to do, where to go from there.  He was such a rock for me yesterday I can not even tell you.  He assured me we were financially stable and that this happens all the time, especially in a market such as this.  He reminded me that I have been applying other places and I was unhappy there anyway so this is really a blessing in disguise.  Then he told me to get my butt to the gym!  I actually laughed out loud when he said this, but he was right.  He said he didnt want to hear me argue, that I should go for about an hour and work out my frustrations and I will feel better once I get home.  He was so right.  I spent that hour on the elliptical and in that time I had gone from teary depression to a major can do attitude.  I just need to be as disiplined in my job search as I have been in my weight loss journey and I will have a job in no time.  I am pretty irratated that I just dropped 120 bucks on a train pass for the month of August on MONDAY and I get laid off on Tuesday, but my gym is in center city so at least this way I dont have an excuse not to go.  I suppose everything works out the way it should.  Let’s just hope I find that next great step in my career (before I go batty!)

Well first off let me say this weekend was amazing!  It was nice to take some time off from life in general and just spend some time with my man.  Spending this extra quality time with him made it even more clear why we have made it 3 years! And yes, he LOVED the xbox 360, and I may have mentioned some interest in guitar hero so he went out and bought that and I have to say I may have changed my mind about hating video games.  Either I was meant to be a rock star or that game is just ridiculously fun!

On the weight loss front, I feel bigger today.  I can feel extra weight on me.  I think this is from my gym schedule being disrupted and I am going to make an effort to getting more on track.  I experimented with interval training last week and I am going to def keep that up when I am working my cardio.  I think I have two more weeks of this gym construction business so I am just going to bite the bullet and go, locker room or not.  I can change at the office, while its annoying and inconvienent, I do NOT want to see all my hard work go to waste.  So Hello Philadelphia!  Take a look at my gym clothes, cuz for the next two weeks I will be walking around in them.  Have a great day everyone!

I just got back from the gym and I have to say I havent felt this worked out in awhile.  I guess I got used to the workout and was really just cruising through it.  But I recently read a fellow buddy’s blog about interval training and decided to give it a whirl.  I like the eliptical and the program I like is broken up into sections so it was easy to split up the workout.  The first five minutes movin and groovin, then the second five minutes really going hard, then back down to steady moving and so on and so forth.  I feel fantastic right now, I really do. So thanks buddy!  I have heard that this kind of work out busts belly fat which is really my problem area so I will certainly keep you guys posted on where this interval training takes me.

 In other news,  tomorrow marks three years that Mike and I have been together!  We have both taken the day off work and he claims to have some big thing planned.  I am not sure what I am more excited about, having a day off work or the anniversary!  JK… actually I am pretty excited about his gift.  We usually get each other these extravagant fantastic gifts, but after three years that is really not necessary (and its pretty expensive!)  So we agreed nothing crazy.  Mike is making me something at work (he makes custom furniture for a living), so that should be fun, to get something he actually made for me himself, and I sort of broke the promise.  Actually I straight up broke our promise,  I went out and got him an xbox360.  He has been DYING for this (something about the new grand theft auto) but i just cant stand video games.  Everytime he talks about wanting the xbox I tell him, you know, we just bought a house, that is like the worst thing to do with your money right now.  He is going to be totally blindsided by this, no way he suspects so I am quite excited to give it to him, though I am sure I will ruin the anniversary by doing so.  I can’t give him a toy then tell him he has to wait to play with it!  Oh well, as long as he is happy, right? I am actually kind of impressed with myself right now, this is totally a self-less gift, which frankly is quite unlike me.  Maybe the new, healthy me is selfless and wonderful.. haha.  But seriously, I know I am a GIANT pain in the ass and he puts up with me and I love him for it.  Aways knowing just what I need and taking care of me during my quarter life crisis now officially gets you an xbox people.  I know, I know, now you all want to date me..haha…anyway, I hope everyone has a great weekend and stays on track!

Well I have good news and bad news today.  The bad news first, I went for my weekly weigh in and I didn’t lose any poundage.  I didn’t gain either but I have a feeling this has to do with my gym being closed every other day due to construction and my workout schedule being disrupted is causing me to plateau rather than lose.  This is rather annoying.  I just went through a month where I lost NO weight, I lose two pounds and now I am back to staying at the same weight.  I know, I know, it could be worse, I could be gaining, but when I work this hard at something it is difficult not to see any results what-so-ever.

 The good news is I have a job interview tomorrow!  I have been going NUTS with the company I currently work for as they have changed my job description (without consulting me at all) and have completely ignored the fact that I am a month overdue for my yearly review (ie raise) no matter what I say, nothing here is going to change.  So I went out and made some changes myself, changes to my resume that is!  While I am well aware I may not get this job I am interviewing for tomorrow, it is something I can really do, something I am qualified for, and it is out of this heinous industry!  I am just happy to know that I am marketable in this decreasing job market and that there is hope for me yet! I am quite excited and I keep thinking about it in regards to my weight loss.  When you work extra hard, you will see results, so keep it up! (and wish me luck tomorrow!)